Crying out to God

Ever since I became pregnant with my second son I have been battling depression. It was a hard pregnancy and even though I love my sons more than anything I can't shake my depression. I have everything in the world to be happy about and I can't be happy. I see a Doctor (who is a Christian) and take my prescribed medicine which helps but I still feel like I'm in a hole. I cry out to God constantly for help. I wonder what is wrong with me. Negative thoughts invade my brain daily. I wonder if God has stopped listening to my prayers but I know that is just the devil trying to break me down. I must say he is doing a good job of it. Making me doubt myself, and even hate myself. I do know that God is there and in the back of mind I know he is listening and working in His own way. But that doesn't really make me feel better. I feel like a failure. A complete failure. My family is wonderful and they help me a lot but I still can't shake this feeling. It's like nothing in the world can bring me out of it. I feel selfish for constantly praying for myself like a baby crying out to God but I do not know what to do. Please pray for me. I am lost.

Giving Up

Sometimes we give things up to God and sometimes we just give up. Or at least I do anyway. Sometimes there is no bible verse, no rainbow, no light at the end of the tunnel. On these occasions the devil is winning. He is foaming at the mouth with another kill. Demons attack me on all fronts. What can I do? I am not strong enough to fight the darkness off. I am not strong enough to silence the negative voices. Satan knows this and uses it against me. My own weakness as his ammo. I am not strong enough. But God is. He sends the Holy Spirit in to hold me up, to give me strentgh and to give me protection. Satan is strong but God is stronger. There is not doubt in my mind that my Lord can crush satan like a dried up ole wasp nest. Crush him and his demons. So why do I let myself get so down? Human laziness? Not spending enough time in the word of God and in the presence of God? Whatever it is I'm thankful that it doesn't last long. I know I am never alone and God has my back.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my sheild and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." -Psalm 18:2

I give up.

I pray and there is no answer. I simply cannot do all the things I am expected to do. I am a failure. I give up.