in regards...

Okay, in regards to my last blog, a very good friend mentioned what she couldn't stop thinking about when she read it. What about those husbands who don't believe? Well, that is mentioned in the book as well. Unfortunatley alot of our husbands aren't as religious as we might like for them to be, some not at all. As women we often think that we can change our men but that is just not how it works. We can't change them, only God can do that. It is our job to pray for them and set the best example that we can. Let God's love work through us. Now that raises another question, this one stems from my own experience. What if we aren't setting a good example? I mean I try but I have a very short temper and even shorter patience. How am I supposed to show my husband the glory of God if I can't even feel it myself? My husband is a good man, he goes to church if I ask him but he isn't the most spiritual man. I would like for both of us to grow in the Lord and I feel that it is up to me to get the wheels in motion. This isn't so easy when I'm getting mad at every little thing and being so emotional. So what do we do in this situation? All I know to do is to keep praying and studying God's word and working on myself. No one said this life is easy, if they did they must have been doing something wrong. I believe God gives us trials so that we may come out a better person. And the enemy gives us trials to try to break us down. Either way it isn't easy. We just have to trust in the Lord and follow his word to whatever avail. I still have a  lot of work to do on myself. So whether it's your husband or yourself just keep praying.

caution faint of faith

I'm reading 'The Power of a Praying Wife' by Stormie Omartian and I love it. Caution to the faint of faith, this book may be to shocking to you. You see, the woman God designed us to be and the woman the world tells us to be are two entirely different women. Unfortunatley women today are so caught up in being independent, strong, equal to men (just to name a few), that words like "submit" tend to immediately evoke negative reactions. We think that to submit makes us weak, so we throw out the idea of submitting to our husbands and all that go along with it. We throw out God's words and make up our own. This is tragic. When we throw out God's words because we feel they are outdated or unrealistic in today's world we are letting the enemy supply our words to live by, and the enemy leads to death. God is life. When we start living by the enemy's words, making them our own, we move away from God. We choose death over life. Why? Why do we do this? Are we as women so afraid of saying "God made me to be my husband's helper, to pray for him, support him, forgive him, love him unconditionally, respect him as the head of the household while we are the heart" to live by God's word? What are we afraid of? That society will regard us as weak? The Lord makes me strong. He is my stronghold. Why would I want to live any other way than by His words? That's why I love this book. It shows us the power of praying for our husbands. It encourages us to take God's word into our hearts and our prayers to help us be the women God designed us to be. The world is constantly changing and evolving but God remains the same. He is invincible to ever changing fads and trends. Don't let the enemy trick you into thinking something is okay because society says it's okay. Stand strong in your faith. It literally means life or death.  -end rant.

undone

Am I so fragile that if one thread is broken I come undone? I certainly feel that way. I am a spool of thread come unraveled. Satan is upon me and I'm having a very hard time fighting him off. The harder I pray the harder he hits. It's nothing so earth-shattering bad, but the tiniest thing sends my mind in an uproar. Apparently I am fragile. Ofcourse God is strong, but I don't always feel like He is helping me. I know He would never abandon me but sometimes it sure does feel that way. Oh to be human.

Go out the window

"Life was fun
Life was great
Til I made my big mistake
Oh no it'll never happen to me
Life was short
And life was sweet
I was thinking as I hit the street
I could hardly beleve
I could scarcely conceive
But I had gone out the window
I had gone out the window
I had gone out the window" -violent femmes

Fifteen years ago I didn't think much of what this song was about. Now I can't stop thinking about it. You may be surprised to find that throughout my life I have considered suicide. The only problem is I can't stand pain of any kind, so inflicting it upon my self just seems impossible. But still, the thought of the easy way out, the escape of it all, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it when times were rough. When there seemed to be no answer at all. When death was the only escape. Isn't that what the enemy wants? For us to just give up. Give up on God, give up on ourselves?

"She was fine
She looked great
And so we made our big mistake
I swear I swear I swear
It'd never happen to her
But the pavement knocked her head around
When she hit the solid concrete ground
From 30 flights above
And she was thirty something loving nothing
Gone out the window
She had gone out the window
She had gone out the window" -violent femmes

It's a gruesome image but it gets the point across. "thirty something loving nothing". How many people in their thirties or at any age just feel empty, loveless? If only everyone could know the love of God. How it fills us up and overflows from us.

"He was smart he was wise
He'd profoundly philosophize
Empathy for all humanity
'til one day by an open window
There's a note that read
I've gone out the window - I'm dead
He said yes to life for all of his life
But then one day he said no
I gotta go out the window
We all go out the window" -violent femmes

Eventually we do all "go out the window". We do not stay in these bodies forever, but we can live forever. No, I'm not talking about vampires or some miracle fountain of youth. I'm talking about living through Jesus. "He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him." -John 3:36

"Catch me I am falling
Catch me I am calling
Catch me we are falling
Catch me we are calling" -violent femmes

I don't know who the violent femmes want to be caught by but for me, I want God to catch me. I know that if I call on Him, He will hear me and He will catch me.

So what does all this mean? Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes we feel defeated and had rather die than deal with our situations. We just want to crawl into a hole and dissapear. But we don't have to do that. God will not give us anything we can not handle. He is here for us if we call on Him. Death is for satan. In Jesus we do not die, we have everlasting life, which unlike this life, will not be full of trials and tribulations. Satan will not be there to try and destroy us. God is stronger than anything the enemy can throw at us. We may not be able to defeat these troubles on our own, in fact we can not defeat them. We are not strong enough, but God is. He sends His Holy Spirit to work through us, to carry us through hard times. To catch us when we are falling and hear us when we are calling. We may all go out the window one day but where we go is up to us. I believe in Jesus. I have been blessed and I know He is real. Do you believe?

burglarized

"...in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." -John 16:33

Sometimes it takes something bad happening to remind us of what is good. We got robbed. But let me back up.

Last Wednesday was a bad day for me. Nothing bad happened I was just in the worst mood ever. It felt like demons were just tearing away at me. The enemy was attacking and he was winning. I felt weak. My faith was weak. For whatever reason I just felt like God had abandoned me. I as angry, frustrated, agitated and depressed. Nothing was going my way. I blamed God. I said things I shouldn't have to God. It was a horrible day. That night I tried to pray and ask for forgiveness. I know God forgives us but I sincerely didn't feel like a deserved to be forgiven. I felt horrible.

The next day I was determined for things to be better. They really couldn't have gotten worse. I had to go to work and about two hours into my shift my husband called. His voice was shaky. "Don't panic" he said, "just stay calm"
Immediately I began to shake as tears welled up in my eyes. Was he hurt? Was our son hurt? My parents?
"Someone broke into our front door and robbed us."
I think I was in shock and I just wanted to bust out crying. I went home to find two police cars and policemen in our house. The tv was gone, the labtop, our already messy house was even messier so it was really hard to know what to look for. Four jewerly boxes, two watches, the ipod, the wii, the wii games, the keyboard, the video camera, with the videos of Lukas the night he was born, his first smile, his first words, his first Christmas, birthday. Oh no.
But we still have our son. We still have each other. Material items are all replaceable. Doors can be fixed, things can be bought, memories on tape might be gone but they will always be in my head. This wasn't so bad. Infact as the day went on and the weekend went on, I realized this really wasn't so bad at all. It could have been much worse. They could have taken more. Someone could have been hurt, or killed. What about the families who lost everything in a tornado, or a fire? We are soooo blessed. Beyond blessed.

I started thinking about how when we moved into that house my parents said it was a bad location. Perfect for a burglary, but I have always felt safe there. I felt safe because when we first moved in I asked God to protect us, and I believed that every day and every night God was protecting us. So this begs the question, had God stopped protecting us? Did my lack of faith on Wednesday anger God so he lifted up his protection and allowed us to get robbed? NO. On the contrary. God is always protecting us. I feel my faith is stronger now. I know God forgives me. I know He loves me and I know He is protecting me, my family, my home. Maybe this is a messege from God showing us that anything can happen but as long as we have Him in our heart we can handle it. Maybe this is the enemy trying to further break down my weakness that I showed on Wednesday. Maybe Satan expected me to shout angrily at the Lord asking why, why us? But instead I thank the Lord. I thank Him for all that He has blessed us with. I thank Him for watching over us. I thank Him for being merciful and forgiving us. I thank Him for our wonderful family and all the generous friends who have stepped up to support us through this time. Our God is an Awesome, Amazing, Wonderful, God. His love is bigger than anything satan can hit us with.

As for the robbers, I wish them no harm. I pray that whatever it is causing them to steal might be fixed. If they are hungry I pray they find food. If they need love I pray they find love. If they need warmth I pray they find shelter. If they have an addiction I pray that God my deliver them from that addiction.

Wednesday I felt weak but today I feel strong. The Holy Spirit of the Lord is working inside me. Like I said, sometimes it takes something bad happening to remind us what is good.

My Father's House

"Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there you may be also." -John 14:1-3

Anyone who knows me know I love Howard Finster. One of my favorite all time prints of his is of a chapel, a grand mansion type chapel, and it says "IN MY FATHERS HOUSE ARE MANY MANSIONS" If it were not for this piece of art I would not be familar with this bible verse. This is one of the reasons why I love Finster so much. He used his art to get the Word of God to the people. I beleive God choose Howard to do so. I would like to think that I may be chosen to get God's word out. I am not 1/10 as familar with the bible as I should be but I am trying. One verse at a time I'm learning God's word. The best way for me to learn anything is my visually seeing it. By putting it down on paper, it helps me acknowledge and understand. If someown just read this verse to me it would go in one ear and out the other. But seeing it. Seeing Howard's vision, seeing my own visions. This is what tugs at my heart and swells my eyes with tears. This is when I know that it is real. Heaven is real. God is real. The bible is real. It is really God's word. Jesus said, "if it were not so, I would have told you".

If you are not familar with the Reverend Howard Finster please click on this link.

http://www.finster.com/

also see the post down below "In my Father's House"

What piece of art speaks to you?

Giving Up

Sometimes we give things up to God and sometimes we just give up. Or at least I do anyway. Sometimes there is no bible verse, no rainbow, no light at the end of the tunnel. On these occasions the devil is winning. He is foaming at the mouth with another kill. Demons attack me on all fronts. What can I do? I am not strong enough to fight the darkness off. I am not strong enough to silence the negative voices. Satan knows this and uses it against me. My own weakness as his ammo. I am not strong enough. But God is. He sends the Holy Spirit in to hold me up, to give me strentgh and to give me protection. Satan is strong but God is stronger. There is not doubt in my mind that my Lord can crush satan like a dried up ole wasp nest. Crush him and his demons. So why do I let myself get so down? Human laziness? Not spending enough time in the word of God and in the presence of God? Whatever it is I'm thankful that it doesn't last long. I know I am never alone and God has my back.

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my sheild and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." -Psalm 18:2