Go out the window

"Life was fun
Life was great
Til I made my big mistake
Oh no it'll never happen to me
Life was short
And life was sweet
I was thinking as I hit the street
I could hardly beleve
I could scarcely conceive
But I had gone out the window
I had gone out the window
I had gone out the window" -violent femmes

Fifteen years ago I didn't think much of what this song was about. Now I can't stop thinking about it. You may be surprised to find that throughout my life I have considered suicide. The only problem is I can't stand pain of any kind, so inflicting it upon my self just seems impossible. But still, the thought of the easy way out, the escape of it all, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it when times were rough. When there seemed to be no answer at all. When death was the only escape. Isn't that what the enemy wants? For us to just give up. Give up on God, give up on ourselves?

"She was fine
She looked great
And so we made our big mistake
I swear I swear I swear
It'd never happen to her
But the pavement knocked her head around
When she hit the solid concrete ground
From 30 flights above
And she was thirty something loving nothing
Gone out the window
She had gone out the window
She had gone out the window" -violent femmes

It's a gruesome image but it gets the point across. "thirty something loving nothing". How many people in their thirties or at any age just feel empty, loveless? If only everyone could know the love of God. How it fills us up and overflows from us.

"He was smart he was wise
He'd profoundly philosophize
Empathy for all humanity
'til one day by an open window
There's a note that read
I've gone out the window - I'm dead
He said yes to life for all of his life
But then one day he said no
I gotta go out the window
We all go out the window" -violent femmes

Eventually we do all "go out the window". We do not stay in these bodies forever, but we can live forever. No, I'm not talking about vampires or some miracle fountain of youth. I'm talking about living through Jesus. "He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life: and he that believeth not the Son shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him." -John 3:36

"Catch me I am falling
Catch me I am calling
Catch me we are falling
Catch me we are calling" -violent femmes

I don't know who the violent femmes want to be caught by but for me, I want God to catch me. I know that if I call on Him, He will hear me and He will catch me.

So what does all this mean? Sometimes life sucks. Sometimes we feel defeated and had rather die than deal with our situations. We just want to crawl into a hole and dissapear. But we don't have to do that. God will not give us anything we can not handle. He is here for us if we call on Him. Death is for satan. In Jesus we do not die, we have everlasting life, which unlike this life, will not be full of trials and tribulations. Satan will not be there to try and destroy us. God is stronger than anything the enemy can throw at us. We may not be able to defeat these troubles on our own, in fact we can not defeat them. We are not strong enough, but God is. He sends His Holy Spirit to work through us, to carry us through hard times. To catch us when we are falling and hear us when we are calling. We may all go out the window one day but where we go is up to us. I believe in Jesus. I have been blessed and I know He is real. Do you believe?

the freeway

I heard this on the radio the other day and I think it is a very good analogy. If you are driving on the freeway and you need to get off on a certain exit and you accidently pass that exit do you just keep on driving? Do you say "oops, I misssed my exit, guess I'll just keep on going even though I don't know where I'm headed now, and I'll probably get lost and it won't be easy to get back where I was going." No, that's silly. You would turn around as fast as you could and get back to where you are going. So why don't we do that in life. When we sin we have a habit of saying "oops God, I sinned, please forgive me" but then we keep on sinning. We keep on heading down the freeway getting farther and farther away from our destination. We get lost. And it isn't easy to get back. In life we need to recognize that if we keep on sinning, we get further and further away from God. We can pray and ask for forgiveness all we want but until we stop the sin, until we turn around and say "God I'm coming back on track" our lives will keep going out of control. How foolish we are to think we can keep on sinning and denying the fact that we are off track. The fact of the matter is there is one road, one way and any other way is just the enemy fooling us into destruction. What road are you on today? Did you miss your exit?

continued

Ok, where were we? Oh right, waking up from the coma. Well, I'll spare you the gory details for right now.

Let's skip ahead two years to 2004. I've been though a lot but now I feel like I'm recovered. Which I know realize was sort of like a drunk person thinking they are sober. I started attending a technical college where my father worked and the first week of school I met my now husband.

Skip to present. 2010. We've been married since September 2007 and we have a wonderful amazing 15 month old son.

How did it all come to this? God's Grace.

God took me out of a bad situation and saved my life in more ways than one. At the time it may have seemed horrible. It may have made no sense at all but God knows what he is doing. He gave me new life. I may have laid in a hospital bed for five months but God got my attention. His forgiveness and grace is more than I can even imagine. Although I have felt it touch my own life.

Know that you know the jist of the story, let me explain.